She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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