GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
