She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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