Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
