I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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