i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
