but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
