Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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