I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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