dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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