Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
