I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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