Screwed.edu
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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