Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
