oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
