You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
