she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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