well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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