Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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