you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
