I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
