I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
