Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
