I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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