Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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