Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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