She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
