dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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