i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
