dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
