The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
