What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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