He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
