You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
