just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
