quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
