i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
