All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
