Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You did what with his pubic hair?
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