things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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