k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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