but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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