so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
