I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The Olympian is in my bed
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