I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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