i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
