I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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