dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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