why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just had sex on a roof
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
