Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
