I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
