Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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