i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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