You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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