Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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