had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
