wanna go halves on a baby?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
