Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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