the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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