At least make sure they are 18
Why
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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