Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
