I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Lo siento on account of my penis...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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