BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
