I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
