Someone shit on the floor
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
