the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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