I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
