I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
