what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
this is an emotional support booty call
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
